Some Bunny Loves You
by Tiggermyk
Summary: Chapter Four: It's well known that Drizzt always has a smile on his face and a song in his heart.  When he thinks he's alone, however, the song joins his smile...
1. Some Bunny Loves You

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to the amazing and talented R.A. Salvatore. I just borrow them every now and then for my own nefarious purposes. The lyrics are the work of Steven Lynch, who just kills me. Go to and watch him—his expressions just make the song. The inspiration for the use of the lyrics is from Moggetchan, Irish Nobody helped with the, er, "plot," and SYBS helped me start it.

**A/N There is OOCness**—you have been warned.

This is somewhat in response to, well, the "romance" stories here. You see, I had an urge for a nice fluffy romance between dear old Artemis and an OFC, so I came to the Forgotten Realms and looked for Genre: Romance; Fiction Rating: All; English; Length: All; Character 1: Artemis E.; Character 2: All; Status: All. Not very many restrictions, right? No, of course not. I set it to look for exactly what I was looking for.

I found 26 stories. Three of them—read that again: _three_—were not slash, or implied slash. o.O Then, one of those three had AE with Dwahvel; the second had AE with Catti-brie; and the third had AE with a modern OFC who got dropped back into Faerun—none of those three were what I was looking for. Now, while I, personally, don't like slash, I figure to each his (or her) own, and besides, I couldn't be the only romance fan in all of the Forgotten Realms fanfic-reading fandom who didn't like slash, could I?

Apparently I could, at least recently (the latest of the three was put up last year), and definitely in the minority. Ah, well.

So before I write my own nice and fluffy romance with an OFC, this is a short tale thought up while on a sugar-induced high and concentrated by lack of sleep. In other words, this probably reads like a madman on crack.

At any rate, I hope you enjoy, reviews are always welcome, good fortune and fair seas to all…and all that jazz.

Some Bunny Loves You

_a fanfiction_

_by Tiggermyk_

_(with a bit of help from SYBS, Moggetchan, and Irish Nobody)_

A sudden explosion of drunken laughter echoed up the stairs of the inn to the rooms, and Artemis Entreri rolled his eyes. Doubtless the drow had told one of his "jokes," and since it was likely the whole barroom was drunk (courtesy of the drow's bottomless pockets of firewhisky), of course they all found it simply hilarious.

With a deep sigh he stood from the tub, water streaming off his toned body and dripping from his hair. He reached for his bathrobe and pulled it on, then stepped out of the icy water and into his slippers. Loosely knotting the tie around his waist, he padded silently toward the bed, where his clothes and a towel were laid out.

But before he could get there, the door burst open. Entreri whirled, his hands going to his hips (and his non-existent weapons), expecting an attack.

Instead, he got Jarlaxle and Drizzt Do'Urden (what was _he _doing here?), apparently stuck in the doorway. He gaped as they roared with laughter at their predicament.

"Ooooh, look!" Jarlaxle cried out, words definitely slurred and loopy grin on his face. He had taken notice of Entreri and his state of dress—or rather, undress—and pointed at the assassin's feet. "I guess at least some _bunnies _loves you!"

He and the ranger roared with laughter again.

"Yes, very funny," Entreri said icily, his hands folded across his chest. Just because his slippers were fuzzy, and pink, and had the faces of bunnies on them, did _not _give the drow, of all people, the right to make fun of them. "What is _he_ doing here?" he demanded, nodding at Drizzt.

"Why, visiting, of course. Guess what? I can burp his name!"

"Yeah," Drizzt agreed, identical loopy smile on his own face. "Do it, Jar-Jar!"

"Don't—" Entreri started with a glare, but Jarlaxle either didn't hear—unlikely—or chose to ignore him—highly likely.

"Lissen: Dr-i-i-i-i-z-z-t!"

The two burst into gales of laughter again, and the assassin sighed. Though admittedly, they did make a rather funny picture, hanging in the doorway, and the fact that the pretentious Jarlaxle had just burped a name…there was plenty of blackmail material there.

"Lessee if we can get outta here," Drizzt said after their laughter had died down.

"On three," Jarlaxle agreed. "One—two—"

"Wai, wai, wait!" Drizzt protested. "This on three, or after three?"

Jarlaxle was silent for a moment. "Wha?" he finally managed.

"Y'know," Drizzt said in all seriousness, which made it all the funnier. "We get outta on three, or say three _then _get outta?"

Jarlaxle was quiet for a long moment more, apparently pondering this conundrum. "Y'know," he began, then stopped. Then started again.

"Y'know," he said, "wouldn't that be on three and on four?"

Now it was Drizzt's turn for a long contemplative silence.

"For the love of the gods," Entreri said in disgust. Then he reached forward, grabbed a fistful of the back of their collars in each hand, and yanked. Both stumbled in, clinging to Entreri. He fought to keep his balance, but to no avail. With an oomph, they landed on the bed, Entreri buried beneath Drizzt and Jarlaxle. Both were laughing again. Entreri was contemplating murder—or suicide.

After a moment, Jarlaxle propped himself up and looked at Drizzt and Entreri. "Y'know, here we are, old friends, and drunk again. We've been laughing and we've been crying—"

"I think the whisky's gone to your head," Entreri said dryly.

"—but if I were gay," he continued gamely, "I'd give you both my hearts."

"You have more than one?" Entreri wondered.

"You'd both be _my _works of art," Drizzt said dreamily. "We would swim and romance."

"But _I'm _not gay," Entreri pointed out. "So Jarlaxle you bastard GET YOUR HAND OUT OF MY ROBE!"

Jarlaxle removed his wandering hand without a word. Both drunken drow stared at him, hurt in their eyes. Entreri sighed again.

"Look," he began, "it's not that I don't care—"

"I do," Drizzt interrupted.

"—but I just don't see myself in you. I mean," he said with a wince, "Another time or another place, I be right behind you—not that way!" he added, sounding frazzled.

"If Iwere gay," Jarlaxle said, "I think I'd give you my soul."

"If _I_ were gay," Drizzt countered. "I'd give you my whole…being."

"If _I_ were gay," Jarlaxle continued doggedly, "We'd tear down the walls."

"But _I'm not gay_," Entreri pointed out. "Drizzt you ass, STOP CUPPING MY BALLS!"

This time it was the ranger who pulled his hand away. Entreri glared at both drow, daring them to continue the conversation.

Of course, Jarlaxle did.

"I don't think we've hugged, and I don't think we've kissed," he announced, staring intently at the assassin. He began to get very, very afraid. "And I've never been intimate with your—"

"Arrrgh!" Entreri screamed, and with a great heave he pushed the drow off him and leaped off the bed, breathing heavily.

"But Arty—" Jarlaxle protested.

"No! Don't call me Arty! I'm leaving!"

And he fled for the hallway, slamming the door behind him. "What're you looking at?" he snarled at a man already in the hallway, gaping at this strange person who came out of the room.

It wasn't until he was on the street that he realized he was still in his bathrobe and fuzzy pink bunny slippers. For the barest split second of a moment, he considered going back and getting his clothes.

Then he decided it was too dangerous, and to burn them in the morning.

**A/N **Mwahahaha! That was fun. I hope you enjoyed it as well. Anyway, here are the actual lyrics to "If I Were Gay," by Stephen Lynch:

Here we are  
Dear old friends  
You and I drunk again  
laughs have been had  
tears have been shed  
maybe the whisky has gone to my head  
but if I were gay  
I would give you my heart  
and if I were gay  
you'd be my work of art  
and if I were gay  
we would swim in romance  
but I'm not gay  
so get your hand out of my pants

It's not that I don't care  
I do  
I just don't see myself in you  
another time another scene  
I'd be right behind you

if you know what I mean  
cause if I were gay  
I would give soul  
and if I were gay  
I would give you my whole... being  
and if I were gay  
we would tear down the walls  
But I'm not gay  
so wont you stop cupping my Ba... Hand

We've never hugged  
we've never kissed  
I've never been intimate with your fist  
you have opened brand new doors  
Get over here and drop…your…drawers


	2. Everyone's a Superhero?

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters (i.e. Artemis Entreri, Drizzt Do'Urden, Jarlaxle, and anyone else I decide to spontaneously fling at you) belong to R.A. Salvatore, who I've heard is coming out with a new book in October. The lyrics come, once more, from Stephen Lynch, who I consider one of the funniest comedians on the planet.

**A/N** Wow. "Some Bunny Loves You" went over very well. I was expecting a few laughs and then some flaming for mocking someone's favorite pairing, be it AE/DD, AE/JB, DD/JB, or AE/JB/DD—though that would be weird beyond almost all imagining.

At any rate, here is another song-fic-ish thing. And then I will double-check the rules to make sure song-fic-ish things are allowed, because I really don't want to break any rules and get in trouble. If they are, I may add one or two more. If they aren't, I'll continue the story in a more, er, "serious" line.

Enjoy!

Everyone's a Superhero?

_a fanfiction_

_by Tiggermyk_

Entreri spent most of the next day wandering around the city in his bathrobe and fuzzy pink bunny slippers, and occupied himself by glaring at anyone who looked sideways at him. He'd feel a lot better if he'd had his weapons with him, but alas, they were in his room, and by now probably had to be burned along with his clothes.

Just after midday, he decided that it should be safe enough to re-enter the inn, and cautiously approached the building. Granted, caution was a bit difficult to achieve in his state of dress—or rather, _un_dress—but he managed it with admirable skill.

Opening the inn door a crack, he peered in warily. To his astonishment, and looking none the worse for wear after their marathon of beers, ales, wines, and tequilas, Jarlaxle and Drizzt sat at a table with Wulfgar the barbarian, and apparently deep in some serious discussion.

He shook his head, sighed, and mentally admitted defeat. Bracing himself, he entered and approached the table.

"Ah, my friend!" Jarlaxle exclaimed, beaming, when he noticed the assassin. The other two turned and beamed at him as well. Entreri stopped dead in his tracks and contemplated fleeing. "Just the man we were hoping for!"

"I have business—" he began desperately, edging back toward the door.

"Nonsense!" Jarlaxle interrupted, leaping up to grab Entreri's arm and drag him toward the table and an empty chair. "This is important."

"My ass," Entreri muttered under his breath. Drizzt winked at him. Entreri edged his chair away.

"We were just discussing superheroes," Jarlaxle said, oblivious to the brief by-play between Drizzt and Entreri. Entreri stopped moving his chair.

"What?" he said blankly.

"Superheroes," Drizzt said, smiling.

"Specifically," Wulfgar said, adding to the conversation, "what superheroes _we _would want to be."

"What?" Entreri repeated blankly.

"Well, take, for instance, Drizzt here," Jarlaxle said. "If he could be a superhero, he would be…" He trailed off, letting Drizzt pick it up.

"I would be Awesome Man," he supplied. "I'd fly around the world fighting crime, according to my awesome plan."

"And if you saw criminals trying to lie, hurting other people and making them cry…?"

"I'd haul them off to jail in my awesome wagon, 'cause I'd be Awesome Man," Drizzt finished triumphantly.

"Oh. My. Gods," Entreri said, unable to think of anything else to say.

"But some criminals try to get you to be criminal too," Wulfgar interjected. "So they offer things like drugs."

"And alcohol," Jarlaxle added. Wulfgar shot him a dirty look.

"But the best thing to do would be to just say, 'No,'" the barbarian continued.

"No. Please. Stop there," Entreri begged.

"If I could be a superhero," Wulfgar said thoughtfully, "I'd be Drug-Free Boy."

"You're _killing_ me," Entreri moaned.

"I'd tell all the world of the evils of drugs," Wulfgar continued, as if he hadn't heard the assassin. "And all of the lives they destroy. I'd take all the junkies, sitting there getting so high, with their needles and bongs and sticks made of lye, and as I'd burn them alive I'd squeal with joy," he growled. "Because I'd be Drug-Free Boy."

"Slow down there," Jarlaxle chided gently, patting the giant barbarian on the arm. "No need to get violent."

"Says you," Entreri muttered.

"If I could be a superhero, I'd be Immigration Dude," Jarlaxle continued. "I'd send all foreigners back to their homes, for eating up all of our food."

"You _are _a foreigner," Entreri pointed out, but was subsequently ignored.

"For taking our welfare and best jobs to boot—"

"_What_ welfare?"

"—like landscaping, dishwashing, and picking our fruit. I'd pass a lot of laws to get rid of their broods—"

"Their _what_?"

"Because I'd be Immigration Dude."

"I don't believe this."

"Entreri," Drizzt said, and all eyes turned to the assassin. "If you could make up your very own superhero, who would it be?"

"Me?" Entreri asked in surprise. He thought for a moment.

"If I could be a superhero," he began slowly. "I'd be Justice Guy."

"Justice?" Drizzt mouthed to Wulfgar with an incredulous look.

"Making sure people get what they deserve—especially women who lie." A strange glittered entered Entreri's eyes. "Like if a mother left her husband with a kid and no job, to run off to fucking Memnon with some priest named Yinochek, I'd skin them and drain them of blood so they die. Especially Yinochek," he added as an afterthought, and then he nodded to himself. "Yes, I'd be Justice Guy."

The other three at the table stared at him and didn't say a word.

"Or you could be more subtle, and you don't have to be vague," Entreri continued on a sudden burst of inspiration. "You've heard of Mad Cow Disease? Let them die of that plague. Just as long as they suffer for their terrible lies. Especially Yinochek," he added as an afterthought, and then nodded again to himself. "Yes, I'd be Justice Guy." Then he leaned over, grabbed the ale in front of Wulfgar, and drained it in one gulp.

The other three at the table stared at him and didn't say a word.

Entreri set the mug down with a dull thud and rose from the table. "I'm going to go change," he announced, and marched off toward the stairs, sending the bartender scurrying for cover at a glare.

Silence reigned at the table for a few more moments.

"Jarlaxle?" Drizzt finally said timidly.

"Yes?"

"I'm scared."

Jarlaxle smiled weakly, but couldn't rightly dispute it.

**A/N **Well, there you have it. Granted, Entreri's didn't fit quite so well, but hey. Once more, I offer the true lyrics:

If I could be a superhero  
I would be awesome man  
I'd fly around the world fighting crime  
According to my awesome plan  
And if I saw criminals trying to lie  
Hurting other people and making them cry  
I'd haul them off to jail in my awesome van  
'Cause I would be awesome man

Now, Some criminals want you to be a criminal  
And they offer you things like drugs, alcohol  
But we know what to do, kids  
We just say 'No'

If I could be a superhero  
I would be Drug-Free boy  
Telling the world of the evils of drugs  
And all of the lives they destroy  
Well I would take all the junk  
He's getting so high  
With their needles and bongs  
And their sticks of tye  
As I burn them alive I would squeal with joy  
Because I would be drug-free boy

If I could be a superhero  
I'd be Immigration dude  
I'd send all the foreigners back to their homes  
For eating up all of our food  
And taking our welfare and best jobs to boot  
Like landscaping, dishwashing, picking our fruit  
I'd pass a lot of laws to get rid of their food  
'Cause I'd be Immigration Dude

Kids, You can make up your very own superhero  
If you could, Who would it be?  
If I a superhero  
Would you be justice guy  
Making sure people get what they deserve  
Especially women who lie  
Like if a wife left her husband  
With three kids and no job  
To run off to Hawaii  
With some doctor named bob  
You can skin them and drain them of blood so they die  
Especially bob  
Then you would be justice guy

Or you could be more sutle  
No, I didn't mean to be vague  
Give her the mad cow disease  
Let him die of the plague  
As long as they suffer for their terrible lies  
Especially Bob  
Then You would be Justice Guy  
Yes then you would be a super hero like me


	3. The More You Love Someone

Disclaimer: These guys and what they're saying do not belong to me. I did not make up either. I merely made up the situation. Characters you've seen before (i.e. Artemis Entreri, Drizzt Do'Urden, Jarlaxle, Wulfgar, and anyone else I kidna—ahem. Sorry. Anyone else I _borrow_.) belong to R.A. Salvatore. What these characters are saying belong to Avenue Q. Mwahahahaha!

**A/N **Okay, so even if you didn't review, you can't fool me and make me think you didn't click on it. You see, I have spies everywhere… (Not really, but that sounds so much better than "I can check my Stats!!!!11!!")

I wanted to get out one more chapter before I get overloaded with schoolwork and can hardly find the time to sleep, much less write. And I may do both this song-fic-thingie (whatever you want to call it) as well as a humorous, er, "romance." (Wink wink, nudge nudge.)

Enjoy!

The More You Love Someone

_a fanfiction_

_by Tiggermyk_

_(with a bit of help_

_from Irish Nobody)_

Cattie-brie, adopted daughter of Bruenor Battlehammer, held an outfit up to her body.

"Well?" she asked.

"I don't know," Delly, wife of Wulfgar, unofficially adopted son of Bruenor Battlehammer, said slowly. "It's just not…you."

"Sure it is. I'm a princess, remember?"

"Yes, but you're not a princess in disguise," Delly replied.

"But Princess-In-Disguise Outfits are fifty percent off!" Cattie-brie protested. "And it comes complete with a dozen yards of linen to wrap your breasts so you can seem more like a boy. _Plus _it has hair styling tips for fitting long locks of hair underneath a boy's cap."

"That _would _be very helpful," Delly admitted. "But you aren't a Princess-In-Disguise, and you'd be giving everyone a false impression if you dressed like that. And anyway," she added with a discreet clearing of her throat, "you'd need at least two dozen yards of linen."

There was a moment of contemplative silence as both women looked at the breasts in question. Then Cattie-brie sighed and reluctantly put the outfit back on the rack.

"Yes, you're right," she conceded grudgingly. "Oooh, what about _this_?"

_This _happened to be three-piece Barbarian Woman outfit: bra, panties, and strategically ripped thigh-length skirt. The tag proclaimed it was one hundred percent faux wolverine fur, and that buying the complementary thigh-high one hundred percent faux leather boots at the same time got you ten percent off the lot.

"Oh, I don't know," Delly hedged. Then she grinned. "Try it on!"

"Whee!" Cattie-brie darted off for the changing rooms, her find clutched tightly to her chest. Said chest did amazing jiggles and shimmies as she bounced across the room, and several men accompanying their wives got hit on the arm as she passed—even the ones who weren't _really_ looking, just sort-of looking.

Delly hung out around the changing rooms for a little while and seriously considered buying the Milkmaid-Turned-Princess outfit (complementary milk pail included) or the Devious Sorceress outfit (with a plunging neckline that the tag promised would "distract all enemies to the point of inability to attack, and turn all would-be lackeys into _true _lackeys who would be more than willing to sacrifice themselves for you!").

"Er, Delly," Cattie-brie called out while Delly was inspecting a forty percent off Female Soldier Breastplate (complete with poked-out nipples for chilly weather), "Could you help me with this thing?"

"Sure," Delly called back, cautiously entering the changing room only to see Cattie-brie simultaneously holding up her masses of auburn hair with upraised arms and trying to peer over her shoulder at her back. The bra strap was twisted to the point of inability to snap it closed. Delly labored for a moment over the strap, finally figuring it out. She stepped back, beaming.

"There you go!" she said happily. "Now come out and—"

"Dammit, I forgot my money was with my clothes at the inn! Aarrrgh!"

Both women froze at the familiar voice of Artemis Entreri, staring at each other with wide, horrified eyes.

"Er, sir?" a timid voice asked; undoubtedly he was an employee.

"What?" he snarled.

"If—if you don't mind my asking—why are you dressed in—"

"_Because of those damn drow_," he said with such vehemence that the two women flinched. They fully expected him to leave it at that, but to their surprise, he continued.

"Oh, yes, there I was, minding my own business in my bath, and what comes barging in my room? Jarlaxle and Drizzt, two of the most annoying black-skinned elves this side of the Nine Hells," he ranted. "And what are they there for? Not to convince me to go off facing undead dragons and living castles, or to embrace the world with a song in my heart and a smile on my face. Oh, no. They want to bed down with me—oh, don't flinch like that," he snapped at the poor employee. "Haven't you ever heard of free love? Apparently elves are bi and enjoy giving out samples. Gods above," he muttered, his voice fading as he moved off, "I'll have to walk around like this for the rest of the day. The drunken idiots just couldn't mind their own business, could they? Oh, _no_, of _course _not…"

Delly and Cattie-brie stared at each other for a moment. Then Cattie-brie, adopted daughter to Bruenor Battlehammer and girlfriend to Drizzt Do'Urden, Ranger of the North, burst into tears.

-------------------------------------

"Oh, D-D-Delly," Cattie-brie sobbed into her chicken noodle soup. "I just c-c-c-can't believe he'd d-d-d-do something like—like—like—"

And she wailed inconsolably, sipping at her soup.

"There, there," Delly said kindly, patting Cattie-brie's hand. "I'm sure it's all a misunderstanding."

"Misunderstanding?" Cattie-brie cried out. "How could it be? That was _Artemis Entreri _saying those things. Why would he say stuff like that if it weren't true?"

"Because he's an assassin who hates us?" Delly suggested weakly.

Cattie-brie sobbed louder, making the surrounding patrons of the café scoot their chairs back a little.

"Delly, I hate him! I hate him! Oooh, but I love him too, dammit all!"

"Cattie-brie, don't you know? Loving and hating are the same thing."

Cattie-brie stopped sobbing long enough to gape at Delly. "Huh?"

"Listen," Delly said earnestly, "I know all about this kind of thing. Believe me, the more you love someone, the more you want to kill 'em; the more you love someone, the more he makes you cry. You may try to make peace with them by loving them, and that's because love's so strong you just want to make him die!"

Cattie-brie looked confused but interested. Encouraged, Delly continued her enlightened view of love.

"The more you love him, the more he makes you crazy. The more you love him, the more you want to see him dead, see? Sometime in the future you'll see him fat and lazy, and all you'll want is Aegis Fang to hit him on the head. And that's love."

"Love," Cattie-brie repeated in a murmur.

"And hate," Delly added.

"Hate," Cattie-brie repeated thoughtfully.

"They're like two brothers—" Delly said, inspired.

"Brothers?"

"—who go out on a date!"

"Say what?"

Delly was really into it now, and went on spiritedly. "Yes, where one of them goes, the other one follows, and if you invite love your love will also bring sorrow."

"I see," Cattie-brie said slowly.

"The more you love someone, the more you want to kill him!" Delly said enthusiastically, adding broad gestures. "Loving and killing fit like, like, like a hand in a glove!"

"Hmmm," Cattie-brie said thoughtfully, sipping slowly at her soup.

"So if there's someone you want to kill so badly," Delly said, wrapping it up, "Go and find and get him. But don't kill him, 'cause chances are good he's your one true love."

Cattie-brie put down her spoon and smiled at Delly. Delly smiled back.

"Y'know, Delly, I'm really glad I talked to you. You've really cleared things up for me."

"Good," Delly said, beaming. "I'm always here to help."

"Now, if you don't mind," Cattie-brie said, rising. "I'm off to kill Drizzt."

Delly nodded, still beaming. "Yes, good, go—_what_?" Delly leaped to her feet, a horrified expression on her face, and stared after Cattie-brie's back.

"Wait!" she cried out. "Wait! You missed my point! _Cat-tie-brieeee_!"

**A/N **Yes, I know Delly is dead, and that she never met Artemis Entreri. But I figure since I have the infamously grouchy Artemis Entreri walking around in fuzzy pink bunny slippers and a bathrobe—in essence, am ignoring the cannon in spades—I can claim Delly isn't dead and that she was in the same math class as AE while in high school. And believe it or not, I like Cattie-brie—she just happens to be incredibly easy to poke fun at.

Once more, here are the actual lyrics:

The More You Ruv Someone, by Avenue Q

Kate Monster:  
Why can't people get along and love each other, Christmas Eve?

Christmas Eve:  
You think getting along same as loving?  
Sometimes love right where you hating most, Kate Monster.

Kate Monster:  
Huh?

Christmas Eve:  
The more you love someone,  
The more you want to kill 'em.  
The more you love someone,  
The more he make you cry

Though you are try  
For making peace  
With them and loving,  
That's why you love so strong  
You like to make him die!

The more you love someone,  
The more he make you crazy.  
The more you love someone,  
The more you wishing him dead!

Sometime you look at him  
And only see fat and lazy,  
And wanting baseball bat  
For hitting him on his head!

Love

Kate Monster:  
Love

Christmas Eve:  
And hate

Kate Monster:  
And hate

Christmas Eve:  
They like two brothers

Kate Monster:  
Brothers

Christmas Eve:  
Who go on a date

Kate Monster:  
Who...what?

Christmas Eve:  
Where one of them goes,  
Other one follows  
You inviting love  
He also bringing sorrows

Kate Monster:  
Ah, yes.

Christmas Eve:  
The more you love someone,  
The more you want to kill 'em.  
Loving and killing  
Fit like hand in glove!

Kate Monster:  
Hand in glove.

Christmas Eve:  
So if there someone  
You are wanting so  
To kill 'em.  
You go and find him.  
And you get him.  
And you no kill him.  
'Cause chances good

Both:  
He is your love.


	4. The Hills are Alive

Disclaimer: The characters you recognize (mainly Drizzt here) belong to R.A. Salvatore. The lyrics belong to The Sound of Music—which I love, by the way, odd as it may sound. Julie Andrews is awesome…

**A/N **This is inspired by a wonderful picture of denden's, who you can find over on LavenderEyes. She's a wonderful artist with a great sense of humor, and her picture that inspired this kept me laughing for a good twenty minutes. Which is why I have the dedication. Wheee!

Denden is so nice. I think I'm in looooove. :D

The Hills Are Alive

_a fanfiction _

_by Tiggermyk_

Dedicated to:

denden

whose artwork inspired thoughts…

Drizzt Do'Urden, Ranger of the North and blissfully unaware of the murderous direction Cattie-brie's thoughts had taken, strolled along outside, breathing deeply. He beamed at the brightly colored birds flitting through the trees, the mother doe and her young drinking sedately from a stream, and the chipmunks playfully frisking in and out of the shadows.

There was a smile on his face and a song in his heart. In fact, he would go so far as to say that even the hills were _alive_…with the sound of music…

It was such a beautiful opening line that he couldn't resist.

"The hills are alive," he sang, unconsciously changing his walk to a skip, "with the sound of music. With songs they have sung, for a thousand years…"

_Yes, _he thought happily, _that fits nicely. Now for the next line…_

"The hills fill my heart…" He paused, hummed, then continued. "With the sound of music. Sound of music, sound of music...my heart wants to sing…sing…every song it heeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaars!"

He gave a little skip and spun in the air, accidentally kicking up some flowers that proceeded to fall around him in a brilliant array of petals. Disturbed—or perhaps inspired—by his actions, a group of brightly colored birds burst into song, somehow matching his tune perfectly. He beamed at them as they took off, carrying his song to the world.

"My heart wants to beat like the wings of the birds that rise—"

From the nearby stream, a trout jumped.

"—from the stream—lake—stream—lake! To the treeeeeeees! My heart wants to sigh like a chime that—that—that flies! From a church…on a breeeeeeeeeeze!"

He skipped and danced and spun, kicking up more flowers. The birds sang joyfully as they flew in intricate patterns around him, the doe and her young bounded along beside him, and a few chipmunks danced along in the trees.

"To laugh like a—brook! When it trips and falls over stones…on its waaaaaay! To siiiiiiing throoooough the niiiiiiiight—like a lark who is learning to—praaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!"

For a moment after the note, there was total silence. All the creatures of the forest were staring at Drizzt in awe of his note-holding abilities. Even Drizzt stood there, somewhat in shock.

Then he took a deep breath, and finished it off.

"I go to the hills, when my heart is loneeee-lyyyy," he mournfully sang, tears rising in his eyes. "I know I will hear…what I've heard be-foooooore."

A deep breath.

"And my heart will be bleeeeeeesed, with the sound of muuuuuusiiiiiiiiic."

Another deep breath.

"And I'll siiiiiiiiing—"

And another.

"—ooooooonce—"

And he braced himself for the finale:

"—mooooooooooooooooooooooore!"

Another silence fell. And then:

"Oh, nine hells no, you are _not _singing again."

Drizzt whirled.

Standing there, staring at him with looks of equal bemusement and horror, were Artemis Entreri, Jarlaxle, Wulfgar, Cattie-brie, Delly, and Regis.

"Oh," Drizzt said weakly. "Oops."

**A/N **Oh, snap. I was re-reading the story guidelines just for the hell of it—a.k.a. I was putting off doing my English homework—when I read:

"Actions not allowed: 1. … 2. … 3. Copying from a previously published work (**including musical lyrics**) not in the public domain."

I totally missed that the first time around.

So, most unfortunately, this shall be the last song-fic-ish chapter. I will be stopping it here to focus on yet another story. (And I was so looking forward to having them sing/say "I'm Too Sexy" and "I Will Survive." TT ) Hopefully it will be just as funny, but without the whole "La la la la I'm breaking rules! La la la la laaaa!"

**Liriel**: Thank you so much for pointing that out! I had forgotten that doesn't upload the lines I put in. I feel embarrassed now…

And, as usual, for the final time, the actual lyrics:

The hills are alive with the sound of music  
With songs they have sung for a thousand years.  
The hills fill my heart with the sound of music  
My heart wants to sing every song it hears.  
My heart wants to beat like the wings  
Of the birds that rise from the lake to the trees,  
My heart wants to sigh like a chime that flies from a church on a breeze,  
To laugh like a brook when it trips and falls  
Over stones on its way  
To sing through the night like a lark who is learning to pray.  
I go to the hills when my heart is lonely,  
I know I will hear what I've heard before.  
My heart will be blessed with the sound of music  
And I'll sing once more.


End file.
